(Macros by us, blank pix were from http://community.livejournal.com/lolcreeps/ on the interwebbutts)
Apart from it being LGBT Pride Month (as declared by President Barack “I’m so gay-proud of you for putting up with DADT, DOMA, and Barney Frank too!” Obama) June is also the time of the year when happy couples (or not so happy, in the case of Goths) tie the knot., presumably forever, til death do us part (or undead, in the case of Goths) …blahblahblah, unless you’re gay in California, of course….
As these lovely lolgoths show, Goths are by no means immune to this archaic, yet somehow very popular ritual…
Kittie: This why Goths need to SEE A DAMN DENTIST before they wear dark lipstick or paint their faces white. Not that they should be doing the latter. And even Siouxsie Sioux mocks the bride’s eyebrow fail..
Purrsephone: Is this like one of those “Anna Nicole” type marriages where the geezer nails a hot young “great personality” and then after he dies she inherits his collection of vintage Addams Family lunchboxes?
Kittie: Either that or she gets the secret fried chicken recipe.
Kittie: alternatively, “…musta robbed a tomb.”
Purrsephone: Look how old this guy is. In the time it took them to take these two pictures he’s already aged by like 5 human years. The secret to the sauceless hot wing will be hers in no time.
Kittie: Actually I don’t know if she’s got a yeast infection, but it rhymes! Oh, ok, it’s true.
Purrsephone: Boy George Impersonators: When You Can’t Afford Elvis.
Kittie: Nothing says everlasting sacred love than a New Romantic b-lister in a spandex robe..
Kittie: Let’s count the fails in this picture… Eyebrows, makeup, whatever that shit is on her head…See, this is why this blog is never about *people* only the fail they inflict upon themselves. Actually, I’m kinda goth and I wanna get married in a black dress, I’ve even got the dress! It’s not too “goth” but it’s a lot better than this ill-fitting mélange she’s got on. Is that a nightgown? Clearance rack @ Astaroth’s Secret?
Nothing fits in this picture. Not even her coffin fits!
Purrsephone. One size does not fit all. Also, I get to be a bridesmaid, right?
Kittie: @ My wedding, oh yes!
Purrsephone: Something old, something new, something you’ve fucked, something blue.
Kittie: I actually think the girls look quite tasty here! But I almost think this has to be from a fetish or horror video, the wigs, the hooded priest, the fog machine, wtf? I expect the Blood Orgy of Hecate to break out or something.
I just dunno whose bright idea was to have the bride and the maids wear underwear, while the guys dress like 1930’s gangsters? Probably the groom’s idea.
Purrsephone: Finally, after centuries of anticipation, we’ve been treated to the union of the two most unholy forces on earth, big-chested bondage models and the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. Poor girls look cold as shit. Elvira talked her friends into standing around in their underwear wearing fake red wigs and even faker smiles and Gomez couldn’t bother to shave himself. This is why I don’t date dudes.
Kittie: Thank you for reminding me of the existence of the Cherry Poppin’ Daddies.
Purrsephone: Just doin’ mah job, ma’am.
Kittie: Actually I think this was just an “outfit” …oh, Goths… and not a 3-way vampire wedding. Kinda disappointing when you think about it.
Purrsephone: “And that’s when Bella realized the benefits of Mormonism…”
Kittie: This girl is hecka cute! And she’s resourceful – costume shop tie, tulle headdress from the remnant pile @ the fabric store. I’m not so sure about the groom.
Purrsephone: Is he wearing a backpack to his own wedding?
Kittie: Look like. Or maybe it’s a parachute and he’s plotting a quick escape.
Purrsephone: “They all laughed at me. ‘You’re dumb as hell, Jeff, who gets married on top of Sears Tower?’ I’LL SHOW THEM! I’LL SHOW THEM ALL!”
Kittie The girl with the black bangs and red dress probably got confused and dressed “pin-up” instead of goth.
Purrsephone: No wonder they had to opt for the Boy George Impersonator. They hired Chris Rock to play the reception.
Kittie: I bet they requested “No Sex in the Champagne Room”. Well, I would.
The groom looks like Johnny Depp starring in the Tim Burton version of “Mein Kampf”. The guy on the far right reminds me why the part of the 1960’s Joker went to Cesar Romero and not Danny Kaye. I bet his flower squirts absinthe though. The bride looks like the offspring of a Victorian prostitute and a Dalek.
Purrsephone: “EXFOLIATE! EXFOLIATE!”
I quite like the bride in this one, but…
Kittie: Such a cute girl! And she’s hella happy. H8 the cheap opera gloves, the eyebrows , the makeup, the Lord of the Rings-type thingy on her head… and the corset is up to her armpits! Look @ her arms, she’s overweight but carries it well, where you can’t tell, kinda like Drew Barrymore or well, me. She probably has cute girls, therefore she should set them free from this corset.
Purrsephone: I want to snark her but she just looks so goddam happy I can’t bring myself to do it. Like when your friend tells you they’ve found god and now they have the strength to quit heroin and stop dickslapping puppies. Goth style will not cover up your inefficiencies at makeup or wardrobe. It makes homely girls hideous and hot girls “easy on the eyes”. You have to learn the rules before you break them, I don’t care what Hot Topic tells you.
Kittie: But *real* Goths don’t shop @ Hot Topic, amirite? I think I heard that somewhere.
Purrsephone: Where? On GothChan? Is there a GothChan? Please tell me there is. My faith in the internet depends upon it.
Kittie: Yeah, GothChan was cool before the cancer, now its full of newgoths repeating the same memes. “Yo, dawg, I herd you pewp batz, so I put batz in yr batz so you can pewp batz while you pewp batz.” There’s even a SteamChan, “I herd u like airshipz.”
But dickslapping puppies? Really? Where do you get this shit?
Purrsephone: Funny. My proctologist asked me the same thing.
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